Well...

Well turning this into a picture blog turned out to be a lot harder then I antcipated it being. With that said, I don't really know what format I really want to follow anymore. So for now I'll just give you a quick update until I figure it out.

Christmas was a lot of fun. The kids had a lot of fun and got pretty much everything they asked Santa for. Well Paige asked for a dog or cat and did not get either one, maybe next year kid. Austin choked on Christmas dinner, thank goodness my grandpa got to him quickly. That was so scary and heartbreaking for me to see. He is ok now thank god!

I got the iPhone for Christmas and I love it. I wish they had an app for this blog, but I didn't see one. Anyone know if they even make one?

I am headed to jersey tomorrow to spend new years eve with my grandparents, the kids and Matt. I can't wait!!

Happy new year everyone!!!!

Catching Up...

I wasn't able to post pictures for the past few days, so I'm playing catch up.

Watching Serendipity at Matt's Aunt's house
11/27/2009

Waiting in line at the drive thru of Sonic for our drinks. Really don't get how you order green apple and get grape two different times.
11/28/2009

MMMMM Home wrecker from Moe's
11/29/2009

Thanksgiving...

Thanksgiving at Matt's Aunt's house. Lots of fun and lots of good food!

Fun with food...

Stuffed shells I made for Sue's family

Austin made this apple/marshmallow turkey in school today

Changing...

I think I am going to change this blog into a 365 blog. If you don't know what it is you can read about it here. I am going to try very hard to keep up with this. I think this could be very interesting to look back on. I'll start today with a picture my Mom took of Paige while they were making cookies this morning.

Happy...

School is almost over, I am so thankful for that. It's been a pretty good semester I really can't complain. Next semester I am only taking one early childhood class, because I know trying to schedule site visits for two classes is going to very difficult. I am so excited to take my art class though.

Matt and I are back together and that makes me VERY happy! I really feel blessed to have him in my life. He is just so kind and loving and we get along so well I think. I am just so in love!!

The kids are getting so big. Where did the time go? I can't believe Paige is 5 already. Austin is in 2nd grade and he really seems to enjoy it. That is so great! It's wonderful to see how far he has come and grown since kindergarten.

Thinking...

Over the past week I have had much to think about. I've questioned the reason Matt broke up with me. I questioned myself. I've gone through many emotions from extreme sadness to extreme anger. It's been a trying week. Finding out there is no hope for us, had me feeling something I had not felt in this past week. It was like my heart breaking for a second time. Then to find out the reason why there is no hope for us...well that...that hurt more then you could probably imagine. I felt guilty and angry with myself. I felt horrible and just beat myself up over it. How could I make someone I love feel that way? Feel wrong for his choices and what is best for him? Who does that? I love Matt in such a way I can't begin to explain, I just don't think there are words to describe it. I wish I could go back to Friday and rethink what I was saying. Not that I think it would matter any. I just thought this whole thing was going to get easier, but honestly it's not. If anything it's harder everyday. To go through my day knowing I won't hear from him or possibly ever see him again....I can't grasp that. That was my best friend. I'm finding it hard to sleep at night, even harder to wake up. I hate crying and now I just cry everyday. I feel so hated and that hurts so much. Today on facebook I had a status that said:

Love is a temporary madness,erupts like an earthquake,then subsides. When it subsides u have to make a decision,to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable 2 part. That's what love is. It's not excitement or promise of eternal passion, that's just being in love, which any of us can convince ourselves that we are. Love is what is leftover when being in love has burned away.

Anyway some commented on it asking if I thought that was true. I said: Given what happened over the past week....I don't know. I think maybe. I feel love can get you through anything, if you believe the love is worth it. If it's not worth it to you, then problems seem impossible to mend, compromise, work through. Just my take. But I'm bitter so who knows

I never really thought of it that way, but I think I do now and that hurts a lot!

It's getting late I need to go to sleep.

Sad...

Just very sad today. I feel very lost and very hurt.

Philly and Update

Well things have been going well. I'm starting school next week and honestly I can't wait. Austin has spent the summer with my Grandparents, he comes back in two weeks. It's going to be so different having two kids around again. Things with Matt and I are going very well. I couldn't be happier. We went to Philly last night, and I had a lot of fun. Note to others: Do not wear flip flops when walking all over Philly or your feet will hurt, and when your boyfriend gives you the option of going back to the car or continue walking while you are in pain. choose the car!

couldn't ask for more...

i feel really blessed in my life. it's so amazing to me how quickly my life turned around once i did what i needed too.

i have such a wonderful family. they are there for me through good and bad. i have two beautiful children. they drive me crazy but i wouldn't change it for the world. i have an amazing boyfriend, who treats me great. i love him so much. what more could i ask for really?

love...

what exactly does it mean to love someone? when is it to soon to love someone? can you even describe love? what if two pepole's meaning of love differ?

to me love is caring very much for someone. it's missing the little things about them. it's never wanting something bad to happen to them, or hoping they never leave your life. but am i right? can someone tell me what love is?

Happy...

I took the steps I needed to move forward in my life. I am finally happy! I also have an amazing boyfriend named Matt. He is so handsome and just wow! I feel on top of the world!I forgot what it was like to be truly happy. I'm so proud of myself.

Empty...

I have this over whelming feeling of emptiness I just can not shake today. I feel sick over it. I feel as tho I want to do things to improve my life and I can't. I feel stuck and trapped and it bothers me so much. I feel like things are out of my control and that scares me.

life...

Life is what you make it. If you are unhappy with your life, fix it. I think i finally realized that I am the only one who can make the changes to improve my life and improve my happiness within myself. When you make other people your world and live to please others, you really are not living out your own happiness. To make your life really truly your own life you need to take that step back and look at yourself. It is not an easy thing to do.

Hello 2009...

Hello 2009 I hope your better then 2008! I didn't make any resolutions this year because I know I won't stick with them. There are a few things I would like to do in '09. One thing that I need to do is to start trying to write again. During high school I would write a lot of poetry and then one just stopped. I haven't felt inspired, I need to find my insipration. I also want to try and cut down how much I smoke. I am not going to say quit, because I am not ready to quit.